Dicisions are what make the world go round. You need to decide to do something or it doesnt happen. It is the foundation of the cause and effect. I have made a large decision and hope it will work. I made it to stay close and yet i feel distance already growing. The rift is forming and i want it to close. I dont want to lose what i have and know that it is because a space is being created. When a space is created try harder to keep connections alive then you wont lose what is close to you and helps you. Try harder and dont forget, the rift is eaisly created, dont let it ruin something dont let it grow.    CARPE DIEM VITA BREVIS

my fear

learn from it

my repentence/go to song

sweet mother mary help me now for my time has come
Oh lord forgive me of my sins so i may partake in thy glory
garden of eden oh why are ye closed
please open thy gates to me and let thy beauty be known.....


this is a song i made up to green sleeves i want to continue it i just dont know how yet

I read this and loved it. Dont know why but its good

Choice's

Our choices are not carved in stone even know the word might be.
They are left in the wind to always have a chance to change.
You may have one and then a sign my rain down and you might change your choice.
Never be afraid of who you are and what you choose.
Because who is better at making your choices than you.
I ask you who is a better you than you because no one can me you more than you can be you.

Its gets worse...

I have found a quote that really explains so much in my life right now. "Life becomes worse before it can get better." I might fall or slip but hopfully I will have my rock of sure foundation to keep me from going back to where I was.

Why your tired

I once read that the reason your tired after you cry is because you body is like "you have endured enough pain, its time for rest."   Totally started to ball in front of my friend today....not one of my good moments. Now its time for bed.

Random stuff

"I wonder if i ever cross your mind, for me it happens all the time."
"The hardest thing to do is watch the one you love, love someone else"

People Talk Without Meaning (song)

People talk without meaning,
People hear without listening,
There's pain and fear in the air,
Yet the whole would doesn't seem to care...

Across the world cry of death unfair,
Yet here we wine of losing our hair,
If we saw every shed tear,
Maybe, just maybe we might feel their fear,

People talk without meaning,
People hear without listening,
There's pain and fear in the air,
Yet the whole would doesn't seem to care...

In other places people beg for something,
While we need nothing, we stive for everything,
Think if we shared, or maybe just even cared,
Another little boy or girl, may be spared,

People talk without meaning,
People hear without listening,
There's pain and fear in the air,
Yet the whole would doesn't seem to care...

Never stop lovin (song)

I will never stop lovin you...


I will never stop lovin you,
There's just nothin wrong with what you do,
The way you walk, and the way you talk,
I'm just awaiting the day that you'll love me too,


And I'll never, never stop lovin you,
No I will never, never, never, stop lovin you,
Oh never,


I will never stop trying to see,
I'll never stop thinking of what we could be,
I want to stay awhile, and enjoy your smile,
Trying to get you to be alone with me,


And I'll never, never stop lovin you,
No I will never, never, never, stop lovin you,
Oh never,


You are my whole world,
You why I am here today,
You make my life unfurled,
You make my entire day,
And I will never stop,
No never, never stop,
No never, never stop,
Lovin you


And I'll never, never stop lovin you,
No I will never, never, never, stop lovin you,
Oh I'll never, never stop lovin you,
No I will never, never, never, stop lovin you,
Oh never,
Oh never stop, lovin you

What ifs

Lately I have been posting quotes and never really anything super personal or any of that kind of stuff. So I am going to.


I lay awake every night just pondering the what ifs in the world.
There are dumb ones that wouldnt really change anything but there is always one that comes to mind.
The what if of two seperate souls colliding together. Shaking the foundation of society.
Could I be part of that what if, or will we just let our chance slide.
What if we leave the statues quo, or will we cave and let our life be decided for us.
What if...those resounding two words bouncing around my head wanting to be answered.
Bouncing till they are tied back down by logic and society.
Staying calm till night comes around and then feriously pounding around my head wanting an answer.
What if.....What if......What if we.....

sounds good to me

Ill be your crying shoulder

NYC

Truth is

then its not the end

so true

ive had one of these

You will always be in my heart

hmmm im hungry

should i let go

what shape is yours in

New York :)

How do you love?

:)

which side are you

Fact

You seem to never leave

What is love

love is when that person is on your mind no matter what. you love being around them. its knowing that if they called you right now you would drop whatever your doing and go for a drive with them. Love is when you notice there faults and yet they dont seem like faults to you just a different part of there personality. Its when even when you get frustrated and angry at them you cant help but think of the good times you have had. Knowing that if they died today you could fall down on your knees in disbelief and not know what to do. Wanting to talk to them for hours everyday un interrupted. Being able to sit in silence and just enjoy each others presence with out a single word spoken. Love is when there smile makes you melt in a way that you cant describe. Love is when you cant vocalize how much that person means to you.

I like you cause you join in on my weirdness.

Empty and Vacant

Last night was amazing. I hung out with friends and we all went to "watch" a movie which is code for we turned it down and feel asleep. We all back together today and after a while we went back to "watch" another movie. Sadly before we started Ryan and Tanner had to go and about 20 minutes later i had to leave. Now im home but I just dont feel like doing anything. I dont wanna read or watch tv or even play video games. Even the internet is boring. I cant really describe my feeling its just this nothingness kindof feeling. I feel empty and vacant. So i decided to blog and this is what came out.

Best hug

Seriously though

Seriously, I cant stop thinking about you. My heart starts hurting when your not with me. I cant stop listening to stupid love songs that remind me of you. and i just miss you so much.

thank you

True story

this is love

Comprimise

I try to comprimise and it seems to work. Yet I must keep a rubber band around my wrist just to snap it everytime I wish it was back to how it was. Sadly my wrist is sore from the number of times I have to snap it, I guess it doesnt work as well as I hoped. Thats ok I will prevail and not give in to my wants.

the moment when

That moment when you like someone and every song on the radio is a love song so you deciede to listen to your ipod and its on shuffle and every song that plays happens to be the few love songs you have on it.....ya thats when you can tell the universe that this sick joke is not funny and is only tormenting you........

The best relationship

The best relationship is when you two can act like lovers and best friends.It's when you have more playful moments than serious moments. It's when you can joke around, have unexpected hugs, and random kisses. It's when you two give each other that specific stare and just smile. It's when you'll rather chill inside to watch movies, eat junk food, and cuddle than go out all the time. It's when you'll stay up all night just to settle your arguments and problems. It's when you can completely act yourself and they can still love you for who you are.

i have always wanted to say this

I promise there hasnt been a day that i stopped wanting you and you havent gotten out of my head at all since i first met you.

Before you walk into my life

You need to know something about me. You need to know that I'm a very insecure person, I have very low self esteem, I'm not perfect. I am everything but perfect. I find it hard to trust people now. I've learned to accept people for who they really are, it's not hard. Sometimes, I can't be bothered anymore. Sometimes I don't even want to be alive, but, the thing is. I have a million reasons to be alive and I just havent found them yet. I miss the people that I shouldn't even think about anymore. I've liked, I've loved, I've been hurt. I have hurt people. I'm not perfect. But hey, this is me. and before you walk into my life, you need to know these things. Because, if you walk into my life, you cant walk out of my life when things are getting har. Just like all the other people did.

most unforgettable

Having someone to talk to every night is kind of nice. Staying up late talking about pointless things in life and laughing about the most random things. Struggling to stay up late but not letting them know how tired you are just to stay on the phone with them, until eventually one of you falls asleep. Just the feeling of having company and having someone to share your late night thoughts with. These conversations are the most unforgettable. I miss New York

Lazy Date

I want a lazy date. A day where we get in our pajamas, millions of pillows and blankets, buy lots of snacks, make a castle, watch tons and tons of disney movies, and just snuggle together. And why not, we'll have a pillow fight too. Just a whole day, spending precious time with you.... I'd do anything just to have this kind of day with you.

Story of my life

Even though were probably never going to ever be together my heart doesn't want to let go of the love I feel for you

Jealousy

Is it bad that I get so jealous seeing you holding hands with another person. I get nervous everytime another person comes up to you and flirts. Why do you make me feel this way? I should not be getting jealous becasue you are not mine. Yet I still always have you on my mind and the feeling your touch lingers on my skin. I cant seem to help it when I see you with someone else. Is it so bad that I get jealous. Makes me wonder, do you get jealous to?

When a good man goes to war

My favorite poem from Dr. Who

                          When a good man goes to war

Demons run when a good man goes to war. Night will fall and drown the sun, when a good man goes to war. Friendship dies and true love lies, night will fall and the dark will rise, when a good man goes to war. Demons run, but count the cost. The battles won but the child is lost.

A new begining

I was told I should have a blog by a really good friend so I started one. This is going to be a new begining for me and bare with me because my writing isn't very good. The title gives the summary of the purpose of this bolg. I will release to you my dark corners and crazy ideas of my mind. Have fun.